The Return of Michael Avenatti

If you wrote a novel about Michael Avenatti’s recent career as a media darling and potential presidential candidate, most readers would probably complain that story was too implausible to be taken seriously.

The attorney and former CNN favorite apparently came close to running for President before announcing, back in December, that he wouldn’t be a candidate but that he would have won if he had run.

Even though Avenatti declined to run, he had still had quite a year.  Before he first emerged in March as Stormy Daniels’s attorney, no one had ever heard of Michael Avenatti.  Then, because he was always on twitter and television and he was a relentless critics of Donald Trump’s, he became a Resistance favorite and, briefly, a viable presidential contender.

Shortly afterwards, Avenatti was arrested for attempting to extort Nike.  Then, it was revealed that he apparently embezzled money from his clients, including Stormy Daniels.  And finally, the California bar association announced that they were considering disbarring him.  That’s not even taking into account the domestic battery arrest, the bankruptcies, the not-inconsiderable part that Avenatti played in getting Brett Kavanaugh confirmed to the Supreme Court, and the “creepy porn lawyer” label that came to define Avenatti in the eyes of many.

Just like what used to happen whenever a party official fucked up in the Soviet Union, Michael Avenatti was transformed into an unperson.  #Basta was no longer a Resistance-approved twitter hashtag.  No longer was Brian Stelter inviting him on TV.  The ladies of The View would no longer discuss Avenatti sex fantasies.  Colbert stopped calling too.  The days of Michael “Avenhottie” were over.  In fact, the only people who continued to acknowledge Avenatti’s existence were the people at Fox News and that was just so they could rerun clips of Avenatti getting owned by Tucker Carlson.

(How bad do you have to be at your job to get not only owned but also thoroughly humiliated by Tucker Carlson, of all people?  That’s like losing a battle of the wits to Mike Huckabee.)

Now that basically everyone in the entire world is saying, “Michael Avenatti?  Never heard of him,” Michael Avenatti has let it be known that he might be running for President after all. Say what you will about his ethics, his temper, his fame whoring, and his stupid catchphrase, you can’t deny that he’s got balls.

Running for president is definitely one way to get back on television and, if Avenatti’s elected, he can put off going to prison for at least four years.  For the record, Avenatti (who previously endorsed Joe Biden) says that he’s considering a run because only a fighter can take on Trump and that’s what Avenatti has always styled himself as being.

Can we finally just say ¡Basta! to these media-created candidates?

Author: Jedadiah Leland

Film watcher, music lover, pop culture junkie. And you want to be my latex salesman?

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